I realize that you need help NOW.  I usually have an appointment within the same week so we can immediately start working on the relationship. Most couples end up having the same argument over and over.  Typically, one partner just wants it to go away while the other partner feels unheard and brings it up again. The result is an argument that cycles through the relationship periodically.  As it progresses, the partners begin to resent each other and sometimes feel disconnected from each other.

 

Many therapists use the entire first session to take a history of the relationship.  However, that can feel bad because it repeats the cyclical argument twice as each partner rehashes their perspective of the past problems.  I focus on beginning with where you both are now so I can provide concrete methods that can help you make positive changes from the first session.  The history is important but it will come out as we progress to problem resolution; the most valuable part of a session is learning how to communicate and work with your partner to create a strong relationship where both partners are satisfied.  

 

What should I do if my partner won’t come to therapy?

 

Tell your partner that you value the relationship enough to go to therapy to work on it by yourself.  Remind your partner that he or she is welcome to change their mind and come with you. Then come to therapy!   When one person decides to make a change, it will have an effect on the relationship because your partner will instinctively respond to the changes you make.